Love. My trip to Jamaica last year unfolded the unconditional love the Father has so graciously offered to those who are willing to receive. Being someone that struggles with showing love to others, my week in Manchester, Jamaica changed my life. What is crazy to me is that sometimes I set out to teach others; to "fix" them, but God's great and glorious love uses those same people to teach me instead. I set out on last year's trip to do just that. I wanted to teach the children of Jamaica about love and about Jesus. I thought that is what I was doing. Being a prideful person, one of my least favorite things is acknowledging my approach wasn't the right approach, or that someone else did a better job than myself, or even admitting that I feel emotions in general. I think that because I have good intentions and a good heart that I am "right" and that is enough, and that the way I feel or show love is therefore unimportant. Each day in Jamaica was a great day, challenging and tiring, but great. I got back to the retreat center each night swelling with pride because I was doing a good deed, I was helping, I was loving. But on the last day of the VBS the team and I put on for the children of Silent Hill Church, something happened. This was not a dramatic, external event, but an internal awakening. We wrapped up the Bible story, arts and crafts, and afternoon worship. And then it happened. The goodbyes. The tears. The hugs. That thing called "love". The humility. And boy, was I humbled. As I hugged each child goodbye, and loved on each of them one last time, one child in particular, with one phrase, in one moment, changed my entire life. This particular child clung to me, cried as I held him, and softened my heart to the point that I cried right along with him. Yes, I cried. My heart was breaking and I wasn't sure why. I was supposed to feel good about the week- I wasn't supposed to cry, or feel. This child's grip around my back was relentless, and when I told him it was time for me to leave, he quietly whispered in my ear, "But I'm not ready for you to leave. Will you come visit me at church next week?" Heartbreak. The floodgates of my heart opened all the way and I felt God in that moment more than I ever have before. I came to the realization that the only love I knew until that point was conditional love. This child's name is Nathan Duncan, and he is the reason I am choosing to go back to Jamaica again this summer with no excuses, no "maybes", and no expectations or reservations. This year, I will let God be in charge. I will allow Him to work through me in whichever way is His will. I will not be scared to show love, raw and unconditional, because now I understand. Unconditional, limitless love is beautiful. I understand how it feels to be loved and this year I will be able to offer that same love to each child I encounter. There is no greater feeling than the love of the Father as delivered through a child. Love is my mission. Love is my story.
